To all the women who read this (with kids and without kids):
[yes this is a lengthy post, but one well worth the read…]
READ ON ONLY IF YOU CAN BE HONEST WITH YOURSELF AND WITH ME…
Some of you know I am always debating whether or not to have kids; it’s a very pressing issue now that I’m in my mid-30’s. So, in my search for answers (I swear I looked everywhere for a quiz or something that would help me determine if I’m ready for/or really in want of kids and found NOTHING!) I came up with more questions – questions I posted on my blog and are contained in the attachment in this email. They were meant very sarcastically (really, I would never leave a baby at home unattended), but, with a grain of truth in them (although, my mother cringes at the grain of truth, for she was one of the women who always knew). But what if you’re a woman who doesn’t know or hasn’t always known?
So, I thought, I know I can’t be the only woman out there that has grappled with these same questions, right? Right? So, I thought, what a great idea to ask my girlfriends and have them ask their girlfriends, and so on, and so on, and so on… until there’s this big web of women who have read these tongue-in-cheeck questions and provided their thoughts on the ones that touch them in one way or another. Now, you ask, what are you going to do with all these anecdotes?
I want to compile them into a book (one of my life-long dreams is to become a published writer… shhhh, don’t tell anyone — it’s scary sharing a secret dream with so many… but I trust you all, or else I wouldn’t have put you on this email list). I want to share the life experiences with others, so that it may help provide insight to someone else struggling with the same question – to kid or not to kid? So, if you contribute and I use it, I’m more than happy to use your correct name or any psuedonym you provide.
I want to hear from as many women, in all age groups, with kids by choice, adoption, or by ‘accident’, without kids by choice or because for some reason you couldn’t or didn’t. I’d appreciate honest and down to earth: answers, advice, life lessons, things you wish you would have known, regrets, joys, sorrows, crazy experiences… anything you care to share, whether or not it relates to my questions list, or to a topic about which you feel strongly. There will be NO JUDGEMENTS, only an environment of acceptance and understanding, and hopefully sharing with the world!
I’d appreciate if it you took some time and thoughtfully considered what you want to share and then share it with me no later than September 30, 2006.
So, if you read the attachment, I hope you’ll feel inspired to write. I really want to read what you have to say. And, I really want to share it with people — ultimately to help them (and me) with these ponderings. If you have any questions, please email me and we can discuss.
Thank you all in advance for your time, consideration, and support.
Have you always known you wanted/didn’t want children?
How did you know you wanted/didn’t want children?
What was/were the deciding factor(s) in your decision?
What was your biggest fear about having/not having?
What has been your biggest regret about having/not having?
What has been your biggest challenge about having/not having?
What has been your biggest reward about having/not having?
What has been your biggest joy about having/not having?
• When is it ever the right time?
• What’s worse… regretting you had a child or regretting not trying to have a child?
• Are you financially prepared? Will you save for a college fund or a therapy fund?
• I’m not a spanker but my husband is… can we use a time out to spank?
• Are you ready to give up sleep for the next 1 – 2 years?
• Is it wrong to put your kid down in front of the Wiggles while you catch 20 Zzzzz’s?
Pets and Kids
• What if the dog doesn’t like the baby? Can I give the baby back?
• Is there sex after pregnancy/birth? Do you ever have the time or energy?
• How do you explain those weird sounds coming from the bedroom?
• Will I feel the same about my body? Will my huband?
• How long can you leave your baby sleeping? Long enough for a 30 minute/3 mile run or a quick workout at the gym?
• Can you stop yourself from making it all about baby? Is it so wrong to put me-time in my day planner?
• Can I still watch Sex and the City?
• How do we secure time together without baby? I still want date nights
• How do we incorporate this new being into our lives if we’ve never had to do anything like this before?
• Is it wrong to want to be able to get up and go whenever you feel like it – without any hassle?
• As a non-parent, I remember getting annoyed when there was a crying baby on a long flight – how am I supposed to handle traveling now with a kid? Do I pass out earplugs to everyone on the flight or offer to pay for their headphones so they can semi-enjoy the in-flight movie?
Dare I Daycare or Not?
• Can you crate a kid like you crate a dog? In reality isn’t a crib really an elevated crate?
• I know there are many qualified individuals that pour their heart and soul into daycare – caring for other’s kids, but do I really want someone else raising our child?
Whole milk or breasts?
• I’ve been preached to about the benefits of breast-feeding including: quick weight-loss! Essential vitamins! Bonding! So, my question is, if I don’t breast feed, am I going to forever be a baby weighting mom who has a vitamin deficient child who won’t bond to me? I find this highly unlikely!
The religion of commercialism
• If you don’t necessarily believe in God or being a Christian, how do you explain Easter and Christmas to a child? Can you just celebrate the commercialism of it all? I mean come one, who doesn’t love the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus?
Work – what’s that?
• What happens when you go back to work and you don’t feel guilty?
• How do you evenly divide parenting when one parent works outside the home?